Well, it is official....
In about 6 weeks, I am having a surgery to get another tube placed. Why? Well, my doctor's diagnosis was that my "head and my body don't talk". I can honestly say that no one has ever said anything like that to me before!
Truthfully, I am freaking out over this new tube. It's being placed in my stomach, not too far from my feeding tube, and I have not had a great experience with that kind of thing. When you get a feeding tube (like I currently have now), you usually start out with what's called a "peg." After about 6 months, they pull out the peg, and place the actual tube in. When I had my peg pulled out, everything just "fell apart", as my mom puts it. What was supposed to be a 30 minutes procedure -- outpatient, not in the O.R. -- turned out to be an emergency surgery that kept me in the hospital for a week afterwards. And did I mention how much it hurt, to have a tube placed in your stomach, but not actually IN your stomach, and have your body pumped up with fluids that were supposedly going straight to your belly? Yeah. Not fun.
So you can see why I am not super-excited about this new procedure! Especially considering that I don't know my doctor that well, since we just started seeing him. (If you are reading this, please do not be offended!) Oh, and just yesterday I got to meet the surgeon -- who apparently doesn't even work at my regular hospital. She works at another hospital close by (I can't spell the name). Everyone that I met yesterday -- the student, the PA, and the surgeon (along with my regular doctor) -- were all super nice, and tried to answer any and all questions that my mom and I had.... but, I mean, we just met them, you know? And my dad is currently out of town, so my mom and I went into the meeting with just my nurse as backup. We couldn't even talk to my dad today about scheduling the actual operation. We just chose a date, put it on the calendar, and let my dad know about it! At least he'll be here for the real thing, though.
So, yeah, I'm totally freaking out inside... just don't tell anybody, okay? (Yes, I am aware that I am posting this on the Internet for the whole world to see.) I'll make sure to keep you guys updated over the next few weeks.
Until then, have a great night and I will post something more cheerful tomorrow!!!
~ Mattie <3
Hi Mattie:
ReplyDeleteCheerful 24-7 is NOT a requirement. (It's not even a realistic expectation of anyone). REAL is what we look for here, and that is what today's post (and all your other posts) offer.
Scared, is a regular response. Especially in light of the G'zillion unknowns: basically unknown medical team (--once is not really enough to "know" them--) unknown reaction your body will have to the surgery itself (you've got a rather scary "known" response in the past, that gives you every reason to be concerned...and it's hard not to "live" there) and, the unknowns of how it will feel, what it'll need, how YOU will feel, how your clothing will feel over it............that's a LOT of unknowns.
So, yup, having some sacredness sounds right-on-target. ESPECIALLY since it's all new information.
and
Right next to THOSE very real things, is THE FACT that you ARE known and all the unknowns-to-you ARE known, by The One Who knows you thru and thru (Psalm 139).
He's got you covered.
Nope, I do NOT know what that'll look or feel like. And nope, that doesn't include a magical eraser. AND, I know proof positive for myself and each health issue that's been daunting: He IS there in the midst. His presence DOES indeed make a difference. And, because of Him, I'm part of the BEST team ever, as are you. And if you ask, I'm betting He'll help you not LIVE in the place of fear and "what ifs". Instead, He'll help you keep on living each day to the fullest even while preparing your heart for whatever is to come.
You Matter AND you ROCK kiddo.
As much as I wish this were not part of your journey, I'm confident that you, the Mattie/God/Lorenzen Team have got this.
AND all of us out here in cyberspace, we've got you, too.
Much Love, Warm Support and Prayer-Songs flowing....
Ms Lu
PS With a preplanned date, if you want Mocha and I to visit you while you're at club med, have your Mom shoot me an e-mail, and via Marta ParaTransit we'll be there with bells on, grin.