Wednesday, April 25, 2018

I'm back!

Hi everyone!

Wow... it's been about year since I last posted. Things have been pretty crazy. The beginning of this school year definitely wasn't the best time of my life, if I'm being honest here. I was having a lot of trouble keeping my grades up and staying focused, and my memory wasn't really doing it's job. It was in the beginning of December that we figured out why: I've developed epilepsy. Whenever I was "zoning out", I was actually having a seizure. We're pretty sure that I'm having absent seizures, which is why I couldn't focus and process information very well. I'm taking meds to help, though, and I'm doing much better! I went from nearly failing several classes to having all A's, which was pretty miraculous in my opinion.

I've also been pretty stressed (but excited!) about school. It's getting pretty close to graduation (only 21 more school days!!! AAHHHH!!), and I'm thrilled about the idea of going off to college. At the same time, applying for scholarships and all that fun stuff is stressing me out. The fact that I'm a major procrastinator does not help. But hey, I've applied to Kennesaw State University, the University of North Georgia, and Emory University -- and I was accepted into all three! I've toured them all, and now I'm trying to decide which school I'm actually going to attend. The UNG and KSU campuses are absolutely beautiful, but then I also love the idea of attending a well-renowned school like Emory. I'm going to have to make my decision pretty darn soon though, since the deadline to confirm my acceptance is May 1, and in the end it might just come down to financials. 

I'm also getting ready for all of my AP exams! My first, and probably most difficult, test will be the AP Chemistry exam on May 7th. I'm definitely not looking forward to it, but I guess it'll be nice to finally have it over with. Chemistry caused me a lot of strife this year. AP Chem + 3 other AP classes + period of time without seizure diagnosis/medication = stress, stress, stress! But I've finally started to get the hang of it, and I'm passing, so... who knows. And after all, if I can pass the exam, they'll automatically bump my grade in the class to an A, so I'm just hoping to get a 3 on the test. I'm also going to be taking the AP Statistics, AP Literature, and AP U.S. History exams not long after.

Honestly, it's really weird to think about the fact that I'm essentially grown up. I feel like I'm 17, going on 12. Knowing that I'm in high school is strange enough, but the fact that I'm getting ready to go to college is really freaking me out. I mean, I'm turning 18 this Saturday! I'm definitely ready to be an adult, but at the same time... I'm definitely not ready to be an adult. I'm going to have to learn how to act like a mature grown-up and make phone calls and doctor's appointments! Aaaaahhhhhh! But I have actually been working on becoming more independent. It's a work in progress, but I've started becoming more responsible for my medical stuff (learning how to do my I.V. and tape myself for the shower, etc).

Last night was Senior Awards Night for my school, where they present students with their cords, stoles, certificates, and plaques. I received a stole for being a member of the National Honor Society, and cords for completing my French pathway, being a member of French National Honor Society, being an honors graduate, doing over 100 hours of community service, and for completing some classes through GOC, an online public school. I was oddly, illogically nervous about walking across the little stage area and receiving my cords, but was still really proud to have my achievements recognized. It was also really cool to see my friends and classmates receiving their awards, and while I'm slightly bitter that I wasn't valedictorian or salutatorian, I'm so happy for the two who received those titles. They're really awesome and intelligent people.

I'm sure you all remember how I've talked about my dog Paco... I'm sad to say that he has recently passed away. He was seven years old, though, and had a neurological disorder that caused seizures. We all miss him very much. Raphah needed a new friend, though, and so we now have a new puppy named Emma! (It took a while to pick a name, but we got there eventually.) She's a couple months old, and while she's absolutely adorable, she's either "on" or "off". She also isn't fully potty-trained yet... I'd forgotten how difficult and not-fun that can be. But we're getting there, and we're all glad to have her. Luna and Abi are doing pretty well. They've come to accept (aka tolerate) each other, but I'm not sure they'll ever be BFFs.

The littlest Lorenzens are doing pretty well. Kenya is now homeschooled, and she's doing much better socially, behaviorally, and educationally. The boys are still in school, but we're talking about homeschooling one or both of them next year. Felipe has a cold or something going on right now - he's been coughing a lot and having some trouble breathing. He's on meds and breathing treatments, so while he's still not feeling great, it's definitely getting a whole lot better.

On Saturday, not only will it be my birthday, but it'll also be the day I perform at our school cluster's  Fine Arts Festival! My friend Ameena will be there to display some of her artwork, another friend named Emilia might be there dancing, and I'm going to recite two poems. One of them will be "Monet Refuses the Operation" by Lisel Mueller, which I also performed at Poetry Out Loud this year. It's so, so pretty and I love it. The other one is going to be one of my original works - the only problem is that haven't yet decided which one. I think I might write a new poem just for the arts festival.

Anyways, speaking of poetry, have "Lysander's Dream"! I wrote it for my AP Literature class after we read "A Midsummer Night's Dream".

Lysander's Dream [based on Shakespeare's play]
She is beautiful. No - not so -
That word is not enough to describe the
Perfection I perceive in her pensive gaze.
Her dark eyes are galaxies. I watch as those specks of light
Spin, spiral, shine.
Her skin, it is velvet --
Smooth, silky, soft
The same hue as caramel.
Her dark hair becomes a waterfall as it is caught in the breeze,
Streaming, shimmering, shining.

My Hermia, clever as her namesake
And quick as his winged shoes.
However did she become mine? We have been gods-blessed.
I reach out, caress her cheek,
Her small, smiling, shape,
And we sleep.

I dream of my love
Her eyes are my sky, my world
Big, blue, bright
Her long locks are the light
Blinding, billowing, bewitching.
Her skin, it is flawless, it is moonlight
Breathtaking, beaming, blushing.

And this is not Hermia, no,
This is my Helena,
With a face that could launch a thousand ships,
A demeanor that could entrance a thousand men,
A smile that could heal a thousand hearts, or break them, if she so chose.
My Helena, sweet perfection,
I reach to brush her tears away.
Why is my love crying? Her eyes, brimming with tears,
Will overflow any moment,
Will pour out enough salt water to fill an ocean and
Launch those thousand ships.
Ah, and yet the light’s reflection in her tears creates a sparkle,
Bioluminescence, a beautiful sight to behold.
My hand brushes her cheek, and –

I am awake once more, returned to the world
In which only Hermia will ever be the one
To satisfy my heart.

My love, my one, my only.

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